When strangers and friends make comments to me that they don't know how I do it with three kids, I always say “Its not that much harder than two kids”. Three kids is a whole new ball game but for reasons such as changing your car to accommodate the additional baby seat rather than life in general becoming tougher. I don't know but my girls were very easy babies and having three so close in age wasn't really a huge transition...
When Cara Lily was born, Arabella and Isla Rose had each other to play with so there was no guilty feelings when I sat on the couch for hours breastfeeding. A huge advantage for me was that both girls were in childcare so they had a very set routine and that didn't change. I understand not everyone can afford to send their kids to childcare while they are at home on maternity leave but I am 100% sure this is the reason for my easy transition into baby no 3 and also enjoying those one on one cuddles without the madness and noise that the others might bring!
Arabella, being our first child , lived the first 26 months of her life with the undivided attention of my husband and I. We doted on her, marvel over every new achievement, play, paint, craft and sing with her. Baby No 2 arrived and there’s an inevitable downturn in attention that can be heaped on the first. The first is generally unimpressed with that change of events, but slowly adjusts. I remember when Arabella came to collect me from the hospital , it was the first time in 26 months of her life that I witnessed any kind of jealously. This lasted for about 2 days and then she was back to her normal caring little self.
By the time Cara Lily arrived, Arabella had adjusted to sharing the limelight with Isla Rose. The world never revolved around Isla Rose the way it did with her, she barely batted an eyelid at the arrival Cara Lily.
I definitely made some mistakes the first time around, manly leaving the room to breastfeed and suiting other peoples schedules. By the time Isla Rose arrived, there was no way I would leave my cosy living room to breastfeed because visitors arrived. The most important lesson of all , never suit anyone else's schedule. I found that if visitors arrived unexpectedly at bedtime, I would immediately accommodate them rather than continuing my own bedtime schedule. Obviously mayhem ensued afterwards as we tried to put exhausted children to bed...
With the first baby you feel the need to entertain them, so you drag them to lots of classes that they don't need to attend, the pool for baby swim lessons, to baby sensory classes or baby massage! The second child goes to the odd class. The third baby has outings to the supermarket! When you get to the third baby you’ve given up trying to engage them all of the time, you relax and enjoy them as babies. You don’t feel stressed about finding the best swim instructor, in a warm pool with small class sizes. You take the days slower. This is so so important because those days are gone in the blink of an eye.
With the first child , there’s plenty of time for one parent to have some time to themselves. With the second child, you’re both pretty much occupied all of the time. When the ratio becomes 2:3, it's important to have 'me' time, meet friends, escape to the shops, have a spa day ..... My husband is great for this, he enjoys his hobbies such as football so we work as a great team when it comes to alone time.
Never turn help down, grandparents or the young girl who offers to baby sit. One of the changes I've made is getting Saturday help. It might sound extreme but why not ? It allows me to get things done, It allows the older two to play outside when Cara Lily naps, its allows trip to the cinema and swimming pool with an extra helping hand if my husband is working. It allows me to cook and clean. Parenting is hard work 24/7 and there is absolutely no shame in accepting help.
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